Wanting to "get it right" sounds like a worthy goal, but it results in a lot of second guessing and ruminating, worrying, extreme behaviors (extra hard/lenient, etc.) and, well... making leadership hard.
Another reason "leadership is hard" is because you (and every other western female) been programmed by gender and corporate messages. You are socialized to believe your value is tied up into your helpfulness, and that if you don't fit into the corporate mold there is something wrong with you. You're sometimes labeled too sensitive. Too emotional. Too ambitious. Over communicative. etc.
You may feel obligated to keep rising in the ranks because you’re a woman and/or a minority and you know it’s better when women and diversity are at the top.
Rising in the ranks because you want to is great. Rising out of obligation or duty or appearances... not so much.
Feeling guilt or shame because you prefer free-time or family-time over the C-suite... not great, my friend. You be you.
You have the best answers inside you, but you’ve forgotten (or never really learned) how to listen and trust your own amazing self. Or maybe you know what you want but have trouble acting on the knowledge without gobs of fear and doubt.
See if any of these sound familiar.